Para Adorarlo

A few months ago my dad randomly asked me, "Kelc, when do you think I first became important in your life?" Not even thinking about my response I said, "Dad, you've always been important." But then he prompted me more and asked, "Kelci, when do you first remember realizing I was an important person in your life?"

.....Wow.

I wasn't sure so I didn't answer.

I have a horrible memory. The memories I do have are more like short films in my head, but they're random shorts and often times need to be trigged by a conversation to start rolling. When people ask me questions like that, like what my earliest memory is, I've never really been able to give a detailed answer on the spot. Others have it down to the time of day and can recall every single detail, mine aren't as clear.

I'm laying down and there's a fuzzy TV screen, I remember feeling uncomfortable. There are two people standing at the edge of my bed. Everything around me is white, no color. He has his arm around her and they are scanning the channels for something to watch, he stopped when it got to Teletubbies. I'm annoyed, I don't like this show and the TV is still fuzzy. I don't know how much time went by, but I remember my bed starting to move. That's when he walked away, my bed starts turning, moving faster. We are moving farther away from him; I am scared. I know if he is sad, I should feel sad, I don't know why. I close my eyes tightly and I suddenly remember him holding me in our front doorway, it's hot outside. I'm holding a small white bear with a purple and green clown costume on, it has a hat. I remember him saying it was such a silly hat. I open my eyes, I see the bear by my side, I feel his hat; I know it's going to be okay.

This is the moment where I realized my dad was an important person in my life. I was 3, maybe 4 and I was about to have surgery on my bladder. Naturally my dad was nervous and I was feeding off his energy. (The Teletubies were not helping matters any...)

While raking my memory of all the short films trying to dig back as far as I could I realized a few things.

One, sometimes in our lives before we can put words and reasons to why, we often have a feeling or intuition about someone or something's significance and we are already reacting to that feeling or intuition.

Two, this feeling or intuition sets into motion a relationship and it's foundation.

Three, in this moment, based upon your own thoughts and feelings, you create for yourself a role, a direction and a memory.

Four, sometimes we simply need to close our eyes tightly for a moment so that when we open them we are able to bring clarity to our worries and remind ourselves that it's going to be okay.

And perhaps the most important thing I took away from my reflection; five, sometimes it is best that we do not dwell on the importance of our significance in another's life, but focus on something else. That first moment when you realize you're a person, when you're suddenly old enough to comprehend your own existence. It may not be a complex thought, but you know you're there, you know you're important, your awareness has changed.

These memories will rarely be a grand AHA moment with confetti and a flashing sign. Often times it is in the absence of someone that we realize they are important. When suddenly our bed is being quickly rushed away from them and we think to ourselves, "Wait! Stop! I need him! He matters!" Do not wait for the lonely absence of your own heart to realize that you are loved and you are important. Close your eyes, quietly think, identify your moment, choose your role, begin building a foundation. It will be the foundation for your life, the foundation for your relationship with yourself. Hold onto this moment and recall it on days when you find yourself asking if or when you matter.


It is never too late to love yourself, to remember that YOU are perhaps the most significant and important person in your life simply because, you are you.


When do you first remember realizing that you too, were important?


Remember fondly, love yourself always,
Kelci

Reasons for Life and Blogging

I get this question a lot, "Why do you blog?" or "What is your blog about?" Reasonable to most, but I always find myself responding in the same obvious way,
BECAUSE or I blog about... "stuff" and my life...

Here's the thing, when I started this blog 2 years ago I had every intention to use it as a means of communication between me and my family memembers. I would post updates about the latest happenings of my life in California and it would save me from repeating said stories 39 times. I have since strayed from the original idea for murphygoestocollege and I've turned it into somewhat of a sanctuary for my thoughts.


I suppose the real reason I blog is because I love to write. I don't know why, I just do.


I don't think people are stupid for asking, "WHY?"
I just think there are more important questions to ask.


I truly believe in what I have to say.
I believe in my thoughts and dreams, and in my purpose for being here.

It just takes one moment. Just one. That one reader passes on my blog to the next and before you know it I have an audience. People who believe in my thoughts, dreams and purpose, just like I do. I may not write about the same thing every time, my blog may be sarcastic, serious, sad, or just plain silly, but here you are reading anyway. And I love to think that somehow, someway, even if it was just ONCE, my blog has touched someone's life and they've walked away thinking about things a little differently.

That's what life is for. That's why I have this blog.
Because no one can go through life alone.
And when you ask people to listen, to read, and to care, you're really asking them to become a part of your life. And then they go on and they take a little piece of you with them and combine it with little pieces from others and there you have the gift of originality. You have art, music, realtionships and a blog.

Even on quiet nights, in quiet moments, when you don't have much to say at all;
you have reason to live, reason to keep sharing.
And that reason is others. 



You are reason enough for me,
Kelci

Twenty and one half

Just so the world knows,

TODAY is MY HALF BIRTHDAY!

YES I do believe in celebrating such small fantastic occasions!

EXACTLY 6 months until my 21st birthday!!!!

BUT FOR NOW BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!